Today the meditation centers around deserving complete fulfillment.
When I ask myself why I sometimes feel unworthy and undeserving of having my desires fulfilled, I think about my drive for perfection. Dancing requires perfection, perfect alignment, posture, steps taken precisely at the right time, in an orderly fashion. So when that discipline is taken into everyday life, and things don't play out perfectly, I feel let down. I feel like I must have done something wrong, or that others aren't cooperating with me because they don't like, need or want me. That leads me down the path of disappointment.
During life's dance, I usually find myself taking on lots of responsibilities. I like to say it's my nature, however, as I age, I'm beginning to question that concept. Is it my nature or have I conditioned myself to believe it's my only choice? If I don't do it, then it probably won't get done. And would that be so bad?
And, there never seems to be enough time. Why is it that I feel this compulsion to do so much, and yet, feel that 24 hours is never enough time to get it all done. What am I trying to tell myself when I feel this way? Do I feel that the Universe doesn't have enough time for me?
Of course, if I'm open-minded about the reality of life, there is no such thing as perfect. We live in a fungible world. Everything is transitional, temporal, nothing is fixed. Perfection would mean the end of creation, wouldn't it? I couldn't reset the stage, change the choreography, add or take away things that may or may not serve me. Perfection, in that sense, would constrict my spirit. It's like the story of looking back at the past and turning into stone; forever frozen in a statuesque stance.
And is taking on so much responsibility really necessary? Wouldn't I rather do less and enjoy my life more? Who wants to feel overwhelmed by carrying so much stress?
I guess human beings feel compelled to accomplish as much as possible as they grow older because, as the clock keeps ticking, it becomes crunch time. There's an underlying thought that tells us we have X number of years to live and if we don't realize our dreams now, we won't ever get "there." I don't really know where "there" is; that place of attainment? No matter, it seems like we're all trying for it.
I have had times when I felt complete synchronicity with the Universe, usually moments of meditation. Something happens to me in that blissful state where I fully understand that this world and its material stuff is temporal, only an instant in everlasting life. That I am a continuum of energy, past, present, and future balled up into Bliss, that which is of no time and space and just is. In those moments, I can truly feel my nature, my being, the old soul that understands the question and has the answer, all at once.
My true self is youthful, free, happy, determined, creative, compassionate, artistic, determined, intelligent, open-minded, and caring. Therefore, I deserve complete fulfillment.
How about you? What makes you feel deserving of fulfillment?
Share your comments below!
Peace, Love, Namaste,
Clarita
Listen to Deepak and Oprah's meditations here
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